What makes people become "serial cheaters"? | littleduckie's Blog

I've seen my ex go through three relationships now: the one before "us," ours, and the one he's in now.  I suddenly realized that he does the same thing in every relationship . . .

He cheated on the GF before me, ran personal ads, experimented with same-sex encounters, went on dates with women he met online, etc.

During our relationship, he ran personal ads, had a fake identity online, and -- like most guys who get caught pulling this crap on the 'net -- swore he never intended to meet any of them and wasn't corresponding with anyone.  (Yeah, that's why the email address for his fake identity is now his default address -- WTF?  Was I really supposed to believe something that preposterous?)

Now, after sabotaging our relationship, he's been dating some girl . . . and talking to me behind her back about the possibility of getting back together someday.

No matter who he's with, it seems, he has this irresistible compulsion to keep looking.

What's at the root of this?  He has a sensitive conscience and, I honestly believe, he wants to do right.  But he apparently CAN'T.  What goes wrong to make someone do this?  One thing I have figured out for sure is that it wasn't the craziness of the one before me (though I know from personal experience that the girl is seriously disturbed), and it wasn't mistreatment or neglect on my part.  I suspect it has nothing to do with the woman he's seeing now.  It's something inside him that is never satisfied.

Knowing what I do about his background and childhood, I guess I can see how the tendency developed -- I can understand a deep emotional hunger resulting from things he has been through.  But what I can't understand is the lack of self-control.  I really do believe he wants to be a good man and wants to do right.  Why can't he?

And do people like this ever overcome the problem?  I'd like to hear from anyone who has struggled with this behavior in his/her own life and succeeded in stopping it, and from the partners of "serial cheaters."  Anything you could share that would help me understand this would be greatly appreciated.