What's your "designated issue?" | littleduckie's Blog

I just read this article & wanted to share it with everybody at EP because I think it makes a couple of really important points:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/10/05/o.happening.in.your.life/index.html

Basically, the idea is that people have a tendency to pick one problem to focus on because it's more comfortable than dealing with the real problem(s).  I noticed years ago that I did this -- my "designated issue" has usually been a relationship problem of some kind.  Moping over unrequited love or a troubled relationship is a perfect designated issue because romantic troubles are so easy to obsess on and because the problem is likely to be chronic, providing a time-consuming and long-term escape from the problems I really should have been focusing on solving.

The other point the article touches on is that an individual can become the "designated patient" in a family -- the one that everyone else can point to as abnormal so that the rest of the family can ignore their real problems.  I've seen this in my own life, too -- people whose issues are exaggerated or ridiculed by their families, making them scapegoats or jokes for the others.  The role probably becomes comfortable for at least some "designated patients" -- those who are looking for a good "designated issue" to distract them -- but it can also be extremely abusive.  It forces the person, who may have some real issue to deal with, into a social role that they can't escape from and yet cannot benefit from.  How can you earn approval for filling a role that is defined by the disapproval of the people closest to you?  And how do you make any real progress when your function in a family depends on your being dysfunctional?