The Blog of littleduckie

I've never been a very romantic person. Affectionate, yes. Sexual, yes. But my love has always been very practical and hands-on. I'm a caretaking type. If I love someone, I do things for them, take care of them, watch over them the best I can. I've never expected anyone to make a fuss over me or go to great lengths to make an occasion special or romantic. All of that is pretty typical of Capricorns, as far as I can tell.

And I've written here and elsewhere about my feelings about the way people treat relationships like a form of entertainment. That can't be right. I think that's probably why relationships don't last these days; there's often no real commitment to anything but having a good time with somebody, so once the exciting honeymoon phase is over, it can fall apart pretty quickly.

Not surprisingly, I've been thinking a lot the last few months about my own relationship history -- and my future. At my age, I really don't think I'm likely to find "true love" again, if there is such a thing. Most people my age have a long history of failed relationships and a LOT of emotional baggage, so even if I met someone again, I think the chances of having a successful marriage would probably be pretty slim. And honestly, I'm happier when I live alone, so I don't think I necessarily want to make a home with somebody again.

So if I don't want to marry or live with someone again, that leaves just a few things: sex, some degree of emotional intimacy, and -- dare I say it? -- the entertainment value of a relationship. Somebody to go out with once or twice a week, have a nice time with, and then send home at the end of the evening (or maybe the next morning, hahaha). And if that's all it's going to be, even this pragmatic Capricorn has to admit that a little romance would greatly enhance the entertainment value.

That's really something that I haven't had a lot of. Flowers occasionally, of course. But I really can't think of any particular date where anyone went to any real effort to create a romantic atmosphere just to please me. Actually, I can't think of very many times when my exes did much of anything just to please me. It's usually been me giving the unexpected gifts, nursing the poor sick widdle baby when they had a cold, or making sure they had everything just the way they liked it.

I think that needs to be a condition for any future relationship I may have. The other person needs to do as much for me as I do for them, and not grudgingly, either. I give a lot, and expecting nothing in return has gotten me exactly that, nothing. I want somebody to pursue ME, give ME support when I need it, go buy ME DayQuil and Puffs Plus when I'm sick, find out what MY favorite dish is and cook it. (I'm too much of a caretaker to stop doing those things for someone else; I don't mean I'm going to become totally self-absorbed.) And I want somebody to take the trouble to light some candles, play some James Ingram, and slow-dance with me in the living room before getting down to business in the bedroom.

And if I don't happen to meet somebody who can do all that, well, then . . . there's always something else to amuse me. The giving and taking need to be balanced from now on, or I'm just not going to play.